My ex-husband was very responsible. If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Better read than dead.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Oswald.
Oswald who?
Oswald my bubble gum!
Sorry if this is extra cheesy, but you have a pizza my heart.
What is the difference between a man and a tree? One is illegal to hit with an ax.
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
The main difference between the weather and a horse is that one rains down while the other is reined up.
What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Hey babe. Wanna go for a timmies run?
You must be regulated by the FDA because you treat, cure, and prevent my broken heart.
You should call us butter because we are on a roll. This would be one of the best volleyball puns to put on a T-shirt.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Dracula really doesn't have any other vampire friends. It's because he's a total pain in the neck.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
What do you call a hangover when you're alone in Spain?
Barf-a-lona.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
"I like long romantic walks down every aisle at Target." - Unknown
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
You are shrimply the best!
You're eyes are bluer than the Atlantic ocean and baby, I'm all lost at sea.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
Surviving an attempted murder on April 1st.
Is just gods way of saying "April Fools"
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
Your beauty is blinding.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
How did the hammerhead do on his test?
He nailed it.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
You and the sun have one thing in common. You are both radiant.
Hey, baby, you’re not Paradise Lost, you’re Paradise Regained.
What does the Yeti do when he is tired?
Himalaya down.
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Icy.
Icy who?
You see me, do you need glasses or something?
Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.
It's a Thor subject for them.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
What kind of vehicle does Bigfoot drive?
A big toe-truck.
I really caribou-t you.
What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
Go to BabaMail
