Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this?
What do you call a small fish magician? A magic carpet
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
Why did Saint Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
They were causing mass hiss-teria!
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
“A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops.”
- Maurice Johnston.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
Hey I am like a Rubik's cube the more you play with me the harder I get!
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
Life is brew-tiful!
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
Let’s make some pour decisions.
Are you a trampoline? Because I want to bounce on you.
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn't find one big enough.
She asked the stock boy "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied "No they're dead."
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
How does a penguin make pancakes?
With its flippers.
Why did the Koala cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
Why does no one trust the man on the moon?Why does no one trust the man on the moon?
Because he has a dark side!
Why did the swan hiss? Biologically, it’s coded in their genes to do so when threatened.
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Can!
Can who?
Can I worm my way in to your house!
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
How hot does your gas oven get?
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
Go to BabaMail
