Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would P on U.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
Why did the potato run across the road?
So it wouldn’t get mashed.
The only crime I will ever commit is stealing your heart.
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
You’re just like the black line at the bottom of the pool– I’d be lost without you.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
What do you call it when leprechauns get together after being apart?
A wee-union!
Who is the most famous actor in Greece ?
John Travolta.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
I forgot to pay my colonoscopy bill.
Now I’m in arrears.
Well, I have to say I am William-pressed with you
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
I bet you play soccer because you're a keeper.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Why do computers wear glasses?
To improve their web-sight.
Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body? Would you mind one more?
What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
Man: I'd go to the ends of the world for you!
Woman: Okay, but would you stay there?
What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer?
Quacks in the pavement.
“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
— George Carlin
I'd buy a tandem bike just to ride with you.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
The airline lost my luggage, and so I sued them. Unfortunately, I lost the case.
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
Why did the guy decide not to donate a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon?
Because they just take the money and run.
"I’m staying home today. I have mood poisoning."
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
Hi, I’m writing a phone book, can I have your number?
Go to BabaMail
