What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
How did the witch invite the wizard to take an evening ride on her broomstick?
Voodoo like to ride with me?
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
If a star fell every time I thought of you, the sky would be dark at night.
Every time i see you, my cardiovascular system gets all worked up.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
How should you greet a Ghost? - Long time, no see.
"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
Of course I like long walks by the moonlight.
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr
Haven’t I seen you before? Maybe in my dreams?
Are you British?
Cuz you just colonised my heart.
Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's out of business. And, speaking of Hershey's, how about a kiss?
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fork
Fork who?
Fork-get it, I'm leaving!
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian checks her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
The man replies, "Yes, that's the one."
My wife used to love being called my trophy wife.
Until she overheard me explain to my friends that it's a Participation Trophy.
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
What is a mathematician's favorite part of a big Thanksgiving feast?
Pumpkin pi.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
“I smiled right after getting up. I think I dislocated my face. Good Morning!”
– Unknown
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
When is Monday coming?
MonSoon!
There is a Young Lady whose nose
Continually prospers and grows;
When it grew out of sight,
she exclaimed in a fright,
"Oh! Farewell to the end of my nose!"
Girl: Your ex is so attractive
Boy: Which one?
Girl: ME. Goodbye.
What do you call a hairy beast that no longer exists?
A were-wolf!
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
---
What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
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