If I were a cat, I'd spend all 9 lives with you
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
What's your hurry, baby? I Just want to take things Oslo.
Flowers like our minds, open at the right time. Mine has opened to receive your love.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
Where does a fisherman go to get his hair cut?
The fisherman goes to a bobber shop!
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
I think I glove you.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
How do astronauts cook their meals?
With a Space Heater!
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
I would ask you if you're tired from running through my mind all day, but from the looks of it, you don't do any running.
Are you a cat because I'm feline a connection between us.
I'd hate to be the bearer of bad blues.
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? a Vel-Crow.
“Weeds are nature’s graffiti.”
— Janice Maeditere
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
How about drinking some alcohol to catalyze your love reaction a bit more?
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
Saw what I thought was a large dog coloring Easter eggs.
Turned out to be a dyer wolf.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
On Halloween night, the walking dead clones
Shuffle around with mumbled grunts and groans
But have no fear
When they come near
They would rather die, than turn off their phones!
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
It’s always a good idea to make friends with babies. That’s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
Friend you’re one year older
Time waits for none, I think.
Since weather’s getting colder
Let me buy you a drink.
I’ll make sure it’s really hot
And quite the tasty brew.
Now let’s drink up to the thought
I’m not as old as you!
99.9% of people are idiots.
Fortunately, I belong to the 1%.
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
All the jingle ladies, all the jingle ladies.
The first time I sang in the church choir, two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What do you can an ant scientist?
Albert Antstein.
Did you hear about the two cell phones that got married?
The ceremony was so so but the reception was superb.
Why did the ghost decide to become a vegan?
Because it's super natural.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
What is a grandma sheep called?
A baaaa-nana
Go to BabaMail
