"I'm so egg-cited for Easter."
What is Medusa’s favorite cheese?
Gorgonzola.
"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."
William James
There was a Young Lady whose chin,
Resembled the point of a pin.
So she had it made sharp,
And purchased a harp,
And played several tunes with her chin.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
"Technology is getting smarter and smarter: smartphones, smartwatches, smart homes… Only people remain stupid no matter what."
- Anna LeMind
Your Zygomaticus Major is the best thing that I have witnessed.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
Knock Knock Jokes
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?
I didn’t want to give you a fancy gift,
And risk you not liking it.
I didn’t want to take you out to eat,
Cuz perhaps the food is unfit.
And I didn’t want to give you a watch or jewelry,
For they might just wind up in some heap,
So I decided to create for you this love poem,
And, no, it’s not cuz I’m cheap!
Whats the difference between the Bride and Groom In marriage, the bride gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains.
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
Are you the perigee moon? Because I’m so attracted to you day by day.
You’re the batteries to my flashlight.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
How does Frankenstein eat his dinner?
He bolts it down.
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
Why did Van Gogh become a painter? Because he just didn't have an ear for music.
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
Even Santa doesn't make candy as sweet as you.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
Is your name Faith?
Because you're the substance of things I've hoped for.
What is the definition of art theft? A: The haul of frames.
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
IT’S A LIEEEEE!!
What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
She lays hand gren-eggs.
I tried to open a bag of Lays but it exploded all over me.
I've had a chip on my shoulder ever since.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
Why can't you tell a joke while ice fishing? Because it'll crack you up!.
Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?
Don't fret because
you're one year older.
But if you need
a caring shoulder
Mine's right here,
So have a cry.
Although I can't
imagine why?
You're aging
gracefully, you know?
And getting wiser
as you go.
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
May I have your number, so we stop being strangers?
Have you heard about the new book all about flamingos? Apparently it’s flying off the shelves.
I want you to know I’m here for you no matter what, Alice. Tell me anything and Alice-en
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
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