My dads astronaut friend ate pizza in space
He said it was out of this world.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”
- Bill Cosby.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
I went to the doctor yesterday and he reckons I'm paranoid.
I wonder who else he's told.
I was just reading an article called "10 most scenic runs"... the third one was with you!
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
What did the gorilla wear when he was cooking in the kitchen?
An ape-ron
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
So, are you the kinda guy to Lu-kiss and tell?
“There is nowhere morning does not go.”
– Leah Hager Cohen
[Pool Noodle] That’s using your noodle!
You must be copper and terillium because you are Cu-Te
You're like fireworks: smokin' hot, fun, and radiant.
Did they over chlorinate the pool today or is it you making my head spin?
That boy narrated his-story really well.
This may be cheesy, but I think you're grate.
Is there an excessive heat warning or am I just hot for you.
"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know."
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
You’ve really Penelopeaked my interest
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
“Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.”
Betty White
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Why do men have a hole in their penis? So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
Do you carrot all for me?
My heart beets for you,
With your turnip nose
And your radish face,
You are a peach.
If we cantaloupe,
Lettuce marry:
Weed make a swell pear.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
“That’s just spam.”
Who is Frosty’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt Artica!
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
Thirty-three thousand people think that Thursday is their thirtieth birthday.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
If you notice this notice,
you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing.
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
You’re unbeleafable.
Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
They’re always a little short.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
Go to BabaMail
