I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Hey baby, let me take you on a trip around the world.
“Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”
Steve Martin
My sister was anxious to do some landscaping at her new home, but then she called up sounding hopeless.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get these trees planted,” she moaned. “It says to plant in full sun, but it’s been cloudy for four days.”
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Let it bee.
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam. -- George Carlin
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
A hard thing about a business is minding your own.
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
“Best friends know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.”
— Unknown
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Angel, I want to run all the way with you.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
Ant-ten-eye.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
Does a pink candle burn longer than a blue one?
No, they both burn shorter!
There’s an earthquake in my heart, and you’re the epicenter.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
Girl, are you a swimming cap? Because you’re always on my head.
Baby, you remind me of the constitution, because you look like a national treasure.
You’re a woman from East Transylvania
Dating Dracula, with his weird mania.
He asks you each night
To go out for a bite —
An experience certain to drain ya.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
I'm pine-ing for you.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
Can I be your next varietal?
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
He named the street he built after his wife.
It was very apt, as she was cold, hard, cracked and only got ploughed around Christmas.
Do you want to be disappointed tonight?
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
I can go 90 minutes without stopping.
"You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories." — Melanie Clark
Go to BabaMail
