A loyal warrior will rarely worry why we rule.
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
K9P.
Who’s the patron saint of poverty?
St. Nickeless.
I think we may have been transported to the surface of Mercury because things became unbelievably hot when you walked into the room.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
How does one astronaut on the moon tell another astronaut that he is sorry?
He apollo-gises.
"Sweet Tooth Andy"
Have you heard of sweet-tooth Andy?
Makes his bed with sugar candy.
And it never fails... by dawn
all of Andy’s bed is gone.
– Denise Rodgers
"My mom used to say it doesn’t matter how many kids you have… because one kid will take up 100% of your time so more kids can’t possibly take up more than 100% of your time." - Karen Brown
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
Do you know the difference between you and the new phone? The new iPhone costs $1,000 and you are priceless.
“Hiking is just walking where it’s okay to pee.” – Demetri Martin
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
Why did the Easter Bunny have to leave school?
He was eggspelled.
We child-proofed our homes, but they are still getting in.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koalafications.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You look like a donkey,
And smell like one too.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
One-one was a race horse.
Two-two was one too.
One-one won one race.
Two-two won one too.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
My Karate teacher is getting a divorce.
He is a great Sensei, but he's not very skilled at the marital arts.
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
The next door beaver couple got arrested for illegal streaming.
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
Will you Scarlett me take you out this weekend?
Go to BabaMail
