What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
Checking in for a flight, I was asked, "Window or Aisle?"
I said, "Window or you'll do what?
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
"My Missing Shoe"
I looked for you by the front door,
Under my bed, on the bathroom floor,
Near the back stairs, in the drawer with my socks,
Next to the table, and out in the sandbox.
My mother is calling me, and I’m calling you,
Where have you gone, my missing shoe?
“Look out for Santa Paws!”
What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?
Peta Parker.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
If we are both math majors, then why is there so much chemistry between us?
You have one compact set.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”―Helen Rowland
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
My feelings for you have grown exponentially.
Are you a banker?
Because you need to leave me a loan.
Six sleek swans swam swiftly southwards.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
A herd.
A herd who?
A herd you were home, so I came over!
I was arrested by the grammar police for not using the full stop correctly.
I am now looking at a long sentence.
It’s pretty plane and simple… I really think we could take off.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
How do males exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
How does a Ghost say good-bye? - I can’t wait to seance you again.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
You are shrimply the best!
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
Honey, you’re a slam dunk!
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
What country has the most birds?
Turkey.
There’s so much to do here so I’m never Bordeaux-ed.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
Did you hear about the incident at the tiger exhibit?
It was a big cat-astrophe
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
I love spending koala-ty time with you.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
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