Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
There’s a girl on my art course who never does any original work, she copies everything.
We call her Tracey.
Hey girl, you sure float my Ark.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
No need to light a night-light on a light night like tonight.
Are you spaghetti? I want to put sauce on you.
Denise sees the fleece,
Denise sees the fleas.
At least Denise could sneeze
and feed and freeze the fleas
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
How does a german cowboy say hi?
Audi.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
What's a werewolf healed from Lycanthropy?
Over the moon.
My wife says she’s leaving me because she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.
What planet is she on?!
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
What do you get when you run behind a car?
Exhausted!
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
Where to Bees go to party in Spain?
Ibiza.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
What do you call it when you've choked on water while jogging every morning this week?
The worst running gag ever.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Let’s pretend you’re a croc so we can wrestle!
Your sun salutation would get me to rise every morning.
What did the deer say to his sulky friend?
“Buck up!”
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.
“There’s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living."
~ Karl Lagerfeld
“We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… after I finish laughing.”
— Unknown
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly?
So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
What happened to the skeleton who sat by the fire for too long?
He became bone dry.
Do you be-leaf in magic?
You know what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco de Gama, Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson and Franciso Pizarro?
They can never seem to beat the straights of Magellan.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
Go to BabaMail
