“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.”
– Betty Reese
What do you get if you cross a wasp with a doorbell?
A hum-dinger!
Hey did you know you can’t spell Dreamy without Amy?
Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine in winter? To stop his coffin.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Two racquets started dating. Unfortunately, one was stringing the other along without any intention of tying the knot.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Babe, there's a few tough road series coming up, but if we can make it through them, I'll know it's real.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
What did snow white say when she came out of the photo booth?
Some day my prints will come.
I would ask for Netflix and Chill, but you look like you are into more interactive stories.
I bought a dog off a blacksmith today.
As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
Did you see that all the snow and ice are melting?
I thaw!
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Please don’t go now. Else, I would have to go to the police station and report you to the cops. You just stole my heart.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
It was a Fanta sea.
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
Hey baby, are you made up of dark matter? Because you’re indescribable.
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Sadie.
Sadie who?
Sadie magic word and watch me disappear!
What did the vegan wear to the beach?
A zucchini!
What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?
I’m smelting!
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
Why did the volleyball player get sent to jail? Because he was set up.
WOOD you tell give some wood puns?
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
A ship wanted to travel from the Pacific to the Arctic
But it just couldn't get its Bering Strait.
Those aren't sugar plums dancing through my head, it's all you.
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
Graham Norton
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
A Bee?
A bee who?
A beaver is building a dam on the river.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
Is your name pronounced Ee-an, or Eye-an? I hope it’s the latter cuz I’ve got my Ian you
Hey girl, are you on the endangered species list? 'Cause baby you are one of a kind!
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
I’ll open your heart like Nixon opened the door to China in ’72.
Let's hang out sometime. You bring your beaker and I'll bring my stirring rod.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
What are the best sandwiches to serve at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Paddy melts!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Mustache.
Mustache who?
Mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
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