Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
Girl, it makes sense and sensibility for us to go out.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
How many berries could a bare berry carry,
if a bare berry could carry berries?
Well they can't carry berries
(which could make you very wary)
but a bare berry carried is more scary!
I wish I had your number, so I could’ve invited you to dinner last weekend.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
It's not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
Did you see the guy with quad-arms play tennis? He has a great four-hand.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
Q: Why does a hurricane wear a monocle?
A: It has only had one eye!
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Doctor, I keep peeing my pants! What can I do?
Urologist: “It’s mind over matter, urine control.”
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
What tree monster prowls the forest?
Frankenpine.
My son asked, "Dad, what are condoms for?"
"Usually to avoid answering questions like these," I replied.
Can you run with me so I can tell my friends I've ran with an angel?
I’m in pursuit of hoppiness.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
Volleyball is air affair. This would be a good motto for your team.
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
Let's play some scrabble, I just need to get the croc-a-tiles.
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
With my IQ and your body we could begin a race of genetic superchildren to conquer the earth.
If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple.
What’s the best time of year to break out the trampoline?
Spring-time!
You've stolen a pizza my heart.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman?
At least the otter knows he's not a seal.
Go to BabaMail
