You don’t need to pay rent to live inside my heart.
What did the lighter color shade tell to its dark lover?
I want hue
Let me be a chicken nugget, and take a dip in your sauce.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
Why do the blondes prefer to have se* instead of bowling?
The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.
A pun, a play on words and a limerick walk into a bar.
No joke.
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
My love for you is like the universe… never-ending!
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
I’d hike every trail in the world if I had you next to me.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
What do you call a werewolf who doesn't know he's a werewolf ?
Unawarewolf.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
Are you a banana? Because you're great at the splits.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
Q: What's a tornado's favorite game?
A: Twister
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? Hello, hello!
You’re my lucky charm.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Needle.
Needle who?
Needle little love right now.
The fact that I'm missing some teeth only means that there's more room for your tongue.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
I peed my pants every time I stood in front of my first-grade class to talk.
That's how I lost my teaching license.
A round of Santa-plause, please.
Roses are red,
I have a phone,
Nobody texts me,
Forever Alone.
There was an Old Man in a tree,
Who was horribly bored by a Bee;
When they said, 'Does it buzz?'
He replied, 'Yes, it does!'
'It's a regular brute of a Bee!'
Hey, is your name daisy? Because I can’t resist the urge to plant you right over my heart.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Mikey.
Mikey who?
Mikey doesn’t fit in the keyhole.
Pepperoni is red, cheese is food
I like pizza
How about you?
(Justin Worthy)
What do you call a gassy cowboy?
Wyatt Burp.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
"An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare."
What did the giant say after he ate Fiji?
- I want Samoa!
Why did the koala get fired from his job?
Because he would only do the bear minimum.
Don't even chai.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
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