Reading is a novel idea.
The soup was too spicy to be had by us. It was the borscht soup I had ever had.
It is not uncommon for elephants to start a stampede. Especially if they want to play for the Chargers.
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What do you call the mushy stuff between a great white shark's teeth?
Slow swimmers.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming figures
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
I love you from my head tomatoes.
I like 25 letters of the alphabet
But I love U.
I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
Why does the Pope love Swiss cheese so much?
It’s hole-y.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Why was the bouncy castle so expensive? Due to the cost of inflation.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra... It was a booby trap.
How do you know if there is a Brachiosaurus in bed with you? By the dinosnores.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’m unoriginal,
This is all I can do.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
You remind me of a thunderstorm: positively striking.
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein!
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
Ever wonder what's happening under Orion's belt?
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
What did the doctor say to the nurse that was attractive to the patient with the staph infection?
"Why are you so abscess-ed with him?"
"Goodbye, Six — Hello, Seven"
I’m getting a higher bunk bed.
And I’m getting a bigger bike.
And I’m getting to cross Connecticut Avenue all by
myself, if I like.
And I’m getting to help do dishes.
And I’m getting to weed the yard.
And I’m getting to think that seven
could be hard.
– Judith Viorst
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
The artist painted himself into a corner, leading to his death.
If I had a dollar for every time I was planning to go on a diet, I’d be able to buy a treadmill I’d never use.
When I went to highschool in Italy my classmates were one year older than me.
I Skipped pasta grade.
My girlfriend wants to open a yoga studio, even though she currently cannot afford it.
I told her it's a bit of a stretch.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What do you call it when a monster gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
There's a criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow, who likes to trick people. He is called the lepre-con artist.
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
Why does a penis have a hole in the end? So men can be open minded.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
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