What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Have you heard the one about the spaceship that came to Earth?
Never mind its over your head.
A magician wearing a rainbow colored coat is called Hue-dini.
May I ride your broomstick? I lost mine.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
There was a young lady of Lynn,
Who was so excessively thin.
That when she assayed,
To drink lemonade,
She slipped through the straw and fell in.
Why did the ghoul bury the trophy?
Because he wanted it engraved!
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
I am disappointed that you are taking such a closed-stance on my footwork advice.
It’s always a good idea to make friends with babies. That’s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.
My friend learned Spanish by jotting sentences repeatedly...
He used wrote learning.
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes
But that's Heinz sight.
Hey, beautiful. Where have you been Haydn?
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants!
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
My friend went on a date with a Cardio Nurse
His heart was racing the whole time.
Ghosts are terrible liars because you can see right through them.
I hope you're ready to spend some koalaty time together.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
I didn't know my dad was a construction site thief, but when I got home all the signs were there.
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
Here in Australia it's already tomorrow, wanna know what we did last night?
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
What is red, white, and blue? A sad candy cane.
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