Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Want.
Want who?
Want, who ... three, four, five!
I took the recent snow warnings with a pinch of salt.
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
My wife was just recently diagnosed with colorectal cancer and now has surgery scheduled to remove a couple of inches of her colon. I expect her grammar will improve as a result.
Because she's going to have to learn how to use a semicolon.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
A Help desk guy speaking to a lady user...
Help desk: Double click on "My Computer".
Lady: I can't see your computer...
Help desk: No... click on "My Computer" on your computer.
Lady: How the hell can I click on your computer from my computer?!
Help desk: There is an icon labelled "My Computer" on your computer... double click on it...
Lady: What the hell is your computer doing on my computer?
You’re such an adventure, let me explore you.
A tree's limbs fell off in a storm, now it's an amputree.
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
My heart is as desolate as Saskatchewan without you.
Why doesn’t the sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees!
I checked the meat thermometer, and you’re officially one hot bird.
It’s so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
Your name must be Summer because you are hot.
Why do Ghosts make such good company? They are full of spirit.
Fall leaves whenever winter knocks on the door.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
Son: I was really Hungary and I ate the whole Turkey. There is only Greece left.
Me: I couldn’t Bolivia!
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
I have known you quite a while,
When you talk, you make me smile.
A special friend, I will probably keep,
If you buy me a cool jeep.
It’s your birthday, I nearly forgot,
Searched on-line, bought you squat.
Hope you don’t turn all bitter,
Since you’ve never been a quitter.
I nearly quit, writing this verse,
Mind is blank, it’s a curse,
Soon your party will be here,
If I wake up, I’ll surely appear.
(Martin Dejnicki)
It’s snow joke.
There was a young fellow named Weir,
Who hadn't an inch of fear.
He indulged a desire,
To touch a live wire,
And he celebrated by drinking beer.
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
'I'm 90 years old,' he says.
'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'
'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'
Trowel and error.
Why did the skeleton need a hug?
Because he had nobody.
You’ve been here for short while, but my heart is beating really fast and I can feel some surface tension between us.
Girls!
They protect you!
Mind you, correct you!
In ways you never thought of,
They enslave you, caress you!
You do whatever they say,
Sometimes they confuse you!
Right then it gets real bad,
Misconceptions they kill you!
You give them all,
You’re taken to the mall,
Spend all your money,
Until you fall!
They flirt, tiny skirts!
Eyes blink, you’re alert!
Black magic, their mastered skill!
New guys like contraception pills!
Some naughty, some innocent,
What lies deep inside,
Is the killer sense!
Oh they messed me up!
Damn I now trust this bub,
Sitting here golden cheers!
Girls! Girls! Girls!
(Fiazio)
If you were words on a page, you’d be fine print.
What is a female "Douchebag" in France called??
A douche-baguette.
“Santa Claus’ favorite swimming spot is the North Pool.”
How are waiters and blockers similar? When they do a good job, they get a big fat tip.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
No one likes eating outside in the winter.
It’s frost come, frost served.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
Let’s get drinks this weekend. Are you Lilli-an, or Lilli-out?
If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
I’m not usually one for Austin-tatious pickup lines, but I decided to make an exception for you.
What did the doctor say to the skeleton who had a temperature of 103 degrees?
- Looks like you are running a femur.
I’m invisible. [Really?] Can you see me? [Yes]. How about tomorrow night?
All vampires seem to have the same thing for their last meal. A stake.
If I’m reading their lips correctly,
my neighbors are arguing about some creepy guy next door.
How fast can a cave become vacant? At the drop of a bat.
Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
Hey the cyclist, can I take you for a spin on my handlebars?
Hi, my name's Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
Go to BabaMail
