I’m in pursuit of hoppiness.
What goes hiss, swish, hiss swish every time it rains? A windscreen viper.
If you're attacked by a group of clowns...
Go for the juggler.
Whichever gator stole all the food, we'll catch the crook-a-dile.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Hatch
Hatch who?
God bless you!
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What does a hunter do with a basketball?
He shoots it.
What's the difference between marriage and a Journey song? A Journey song has a climax.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Simpson became too furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Simpson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Mr. Simpson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I...I...didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't" said his wife, consolingly. "I did."
Are you a beaver? ‘Cause dam.
Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
What is writing in sand called?
Sandscript.
These decorations are tree-mendous.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
My son asked me how often planes crash
Usually just once
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
"You're the wine that I want."
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Why did the horse dance while crossing the road?
He was horsing around.
Are you wi-fi? Cause I’m totally feeling a connection.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What did the arsonist do on Valentine's day?
He met his match.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
What is a witch's favorite makeup?
A ma-scare-a.
World is vast and wide.
So much out there to explore.
Right now, let's eat lunch.
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
The winds of change started raining silver, copper, and gold coins.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
How long did it take Lancelot to cross the road?
All knight.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
You’re the gravy to my turkey.
“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” - Molly McGee
Sometimes you have to green and bear it.
Are you cold? You look like you could use some hot chocolate… Well, here I am!
“Winter is not a season, it’s an occupation.” — Sinclair Lewis
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
Call me Rudolph, because you just sleighed me.
Go to BabaMail
