"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nana.
Nana who?
Nana your business.
I took my friend’s board game without him noticing.
He doesn’t have a Clue.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
"A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows."
- Doug Larson
Are you the square root of -100? Because you’re a solid 10 but too good to be real!
You dropped something. My jaw.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
As soon as you find someone who has bees, marry them.
That’s how you know they're a keeper!
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth!
We pass expectations, set the standards and kill the competition. This is definitely one of the best volleyball puns to use as your team’s motto.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? Bob.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
Get me some cooling aloe gel, because you are making me as hot as a sunburn.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
Why did the cow go right up to the spaceship? To see the Mooooooooooon.
Don’t worry, Moher pictures are coming.
“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”
Abraham Lincoln
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
When I count my blessings, I make sure to count you twice.
There was an Old Man at a casement,
Who held up his hands in amazement;
When they said, 'Sir, you'll fall!'
He replied, 'Not at all!'
That incipient Old Man at a casement.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
My wife and I have the same shoes. I guess you could say we are solemates.
Having been thrown out of cartoon art school, he was in suspended animation.
"Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again."
- Henry Beard
This limerick isn’t a stretch.
It’s about an unfortunate wretch.
A werewolf pursued him.
How did he elude him?
He threw it a stick and yelled, “Fetch!”
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
People with 20-20 vision..
Why you didn't warn us before??
“Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants.”
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
I used to love puns about throwing things, but now I don’t.
It was just a fling.
Go to BabaMail
