What kind of jokes do skeletons tell?
Humerus ones.
Is your name Wi-fi? Because I'm really feeling a connection.
Its hard being a teenage mother
Especially when you're a teenage male.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
Your lab or my lab?
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
My keyboard fell apart today.
I feel like I'm losing Ctrl of everything.
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
Did Cyclops the X-man play hockey? Yes, he enjoyed lasing up the skates.
"Every bunny was kung fu fighting."
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
How do you organise a welcome party for an alien race?
You planet.
“SMONDAY: The moment when Sunday stops feeling like a Sunday and the anxiety of Monday kicks in.”
Hi, I’m writing a phone book, can I have your number?
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Butch.
Butch who?
Butch your arms around me and give me a hug.
Baby, you make my rover raise its mast into a vertical position.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
“I almost broke both my arms trying to hold open a revolving door for a woman.”
Steven Wright
Girl you must have swallowed a speaker, cause your beauty is louder than the rest
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
A man walks into a library to get a book on suicide.
The librarian says “Do you have a library card?” The man says “no” and leaves.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
You must be a fossil because I would love to date you.
What is the difference between Barry Zito and bowling icon Walter Ray Williams, Jr.?
Walter Ray Williams, Jr. knows how to throw a strike.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Basketball is the only sport where the basket is filled but never gets full.
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
Winston Churchill
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
“Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.”
- Horace
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
Are you a pulmonary embolism? Because you take my breath away.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
What did the alligator say to the other alligator that was in the way?
“Please move, I need to get bayou.”
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
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