Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Ken I come in?
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
Had a great weekend. Won the annual weather forecaster's championships!
I beat the raining champion.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
You are in my heart, my mind, and in my entire body.
In fact, my doctor says that you must be a parasite!
Why is the fireman buried on the top of the hill?
Because he is dead.
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but it turned out she just wanted to do laundry.
So I folded.
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Why do so few men end up in Heaven? They never stop to ask for directions
“Running: Cheaper than therapy.”
-seen on runner’s T-shirt
Who’s at the door?
It’s snowbody.
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
"I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups."
Rita Rudner
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
The only difference between time and a ball hog is that the former passes.
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
What sound do you hear when a Ghost explodes? kaBOOm!
Girl, you and me are like loaves and fishes. Together we might be a miracle.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
Why don't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is
“There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”
Henry Kissinger
There was an Old Person of Ems,
Who casually fell in the Thames;
And when he was found
They said he was drowned,
That unlucky Old Person of Ems.
I’m Hazel-nuts about you
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
Girl are we doing high altitude training because you just took my breath away!
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
Why are Me and China alike?
We both like to delete our history.
What world-famous rock group has four guys that don't even sing? Mount Rushmore.
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What's the article of winter clothing most appropriate for Valentine's Day?
's mitten.
What happens if you play a county song backwards?
Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!
When does a Koala go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
Why is it so hard for people with asthma to have exciting dates?
The last thing you want is someone to take your breath away!
Go to BabaMail
