Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
When we were young, we had this myth that lightning bolts go all the way to cloud 9.
There’s so mushroom in my heart for you.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
I know an old owl named Boo,
Every night he yelled Hoo,
Once a kid walked by,
And started to cry,
And yelled I don't have a clue!
Are you a cherry? Because I want to pick you up.
My ex-husband was very responsible. If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.
I feel an attraction between the two of us that is more than just our physical gravitation.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
“So few people admit to belief in astrology, but I am yet to meet anyone who doesn't know their star sign.”
― P.K. Shaw
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
A boy has SWAG.
A man has STYLE.
A gentleman has CLASS.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
“The only thing that kids wear out faster than shoes is their parents.”
- John J. Plomp.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Why did the Easter Egg hide?
Because he was a little chicken.
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
Got plans for leftovers, yet?
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
“You know your life has changed when going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.” - Anonymous
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
What kind of hat does a skeleton wear at Easter?
A Bone-et.
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
Girls just wanna have sun.
Twinkle Twinkle little star,
take me to some dreams afar.
Help me, help me get some sleep.
Before I have to shoot a sheep!
Oof – is the Erin here really fresh or is that just you?
You be the battery, I’ll be the aluminum foil and together we’ll light up the world.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
Whilst holidaying in France I saw a group of mushrooms performing Queen covers.
I said 'You're brilliant, what's the band called?'
They replied 'We are the Champignons."
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
I was kidnapped by mimes.
They did unspeakable things to me.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
Go to BabaMail
