What is Santa's favorite breakfast food? Snow-flakes.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
My grandad was responsible for 28 downed german planes in WW2.
Still to this day, he holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
Why do old artists never die? They just put things in perspective.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain.
One fish said, “Quick, let’s swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!”
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
My boss brought bagels for breakfast and asked me which one I wanted. I said "give me one of the Spanish bagels". He responded " One of the Spanish Bagels?"
"Ay poppy."
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Hi, I’m writing a phone book, can I have your number?
Man: Are those space pants.
Woman: No!, They're softball pants because my ass is out of your league.
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
You're the thought that counts!
"I’m too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener."
There was an Old Man of the North,
Who fell into a basin of broth;
But a laudable cook,
Fished him out with a hook,
Which saved that Old Man of the North.
Are you a bookmark? Because I keep rereading the pages you are on!
What is E.T. short for?
So he can fit in his little spaceship.
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
What did the pig say on a hot summer’s day?
I’m bacon!
You have to act quickly during a flood because it's an emergent sea.
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you.
The roses have wilted,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl is empty,
And so is your head.
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Baby owl.
Baby owl who?
Baby owl see you later at my place.
My parents always told me I can be anything I wanted, the sky's the limit
This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.
“We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.”
— Unknown
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Why did the ghoul bury the trophy?
Because he wanted it engraved!
What do you call a goat who paints pictures?
Vincent Van Goat.
"I've found some bunny to love."
When I tell you how much I love you, I'm not overreacting.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
Girl give me a chance and I will show you a world of our own where spell of love began and our hearts become one
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
KID :"DAD, make me a sandwich."
DAD :"Poof, you're now a sandwich."
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
Who’s the patron saint of poverty?
St. Nickeless.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
What type of weapon can you make with potassium, iron and nickel? A KniFe.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
I’m thinking about buying a new phone because this crappy one doesn’t have your number in it.
Go to BabaMail
