What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
Be-leaf me, you look great in green.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
What is the call of a Spanish speaking owl?
Quién...Quién.
Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by you again?
What do vampires use when baking cakes?
Batter.
I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
Airlines have nowadays become so cash strapped that they charge you for everything including emotional baggage.
Need an ark?
I noah guy.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
What was Peppa Pig's family doing on Thanksgiving?
They were bacon stuff.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
I'd hate to be the bearer of bad blues.
What do golf and se* have in common?
They’re two things you can enjoy even if you’re bad at both of them.
Why did the ghoul eat a light bulb?
Because it wanted a light snack!
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
Hey, do you wanna hear my text tone? Just message me and you’ll see how great it is.
Why did the lion cross the road? Because he saw a zebra-crossing...
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
What's green and sings? Elvis Parsley.
I once pranked my mom and told her that I had lyme disease
I still had a few ticks up my sleeve
The reason why soccer players are brilliant in math is because they know how to use their heads well.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
Are you from the U.K.? Because I want U, K?
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
99.9% of people are idiots.
Fortunately, I belong to the 1%.
How did the sushi cross the road?
It was rolling.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents.
Go to BabaMail
