What do you say to a kangaroo on its birthday?
Hoppy Birthday.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
I bought a dog off a blacksmith today.
As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
"You had me at merlot."
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
Do you like hot foods
If so, you definitely are what you eat.
Why did the mouse eat a candle? For some light refreshment!
The high school music teacher was controversial for having his students read band books.
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
I wasn’t sure if I should make the first move… but I was raised to never Jack down from an opportunity
Knock knock.
Come in.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
Relationship status - table for one but drinks for two.
I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What did you have for breakfast?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for lunch?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for dinner?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What do you do when your sister comes home?
- rubber balls and liquor!
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
"It's a hill. Get over it."
From a runner's T-shirt
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
Coughy.
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
What do you call a troll that’s in charge?
In control.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
Girl, you must be blue because you’re the hottest star around right now.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
what do people win at fancy grammar competitions.
a posh trophy.
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
I visited Spain and couldn't stop looking at the architecture
It was very Moorish.
I hear you're looking for a stud. Well, I've got the STD and all I need is you.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
Girl: "Babe I'm pregnant you're the father."
Guy: "Can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!"
Girl: "Haha! got me! You're not the father."
It is now a universal truth that actions speak louder than coaches.
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
Can February March? No. But April May.
How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him with an axe.
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
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