Baby you could even make the Cold War hot!
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
How can a camel walk the desert without getting hungry? Because of all the sandwhiches there.
In a conversation between one pin and another, one said, “Let us never split.”
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
Why should you you stand on the service line? So that you can order ice cream.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
What do you call a bee who never brags?
A humble-bee
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
Why shouldn’t you iron a four-leaved clover?
You don’t want to press your luck.
Wanna go explore some celestial bodies together?
“Monday is a sloppy umbrella day, which makes everybody a little blue.”
– George Leedy
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
You're quite the catch, baby.
After I won the game I decide to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV.
Apparently that's unacceptable in bowling.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
There was an Old Man of Dundee,
Who frequented the top of a tree;
When disturbed by the crows,
He abruptly arose,
And exclaimed, 'I'll return to Dundee.'
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Son: Father can you tell me what a solar eclipse is? Father: No sun.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin
I'm doing yoga tonight but I rather be doing you.
I smelled you down the street, and my nose brought me right to you.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
A beaver's experience in college deep-ends on if they go to the best university.
If I had a dollar for every time someone called me a nerd, I'd have a mean daily income of $5.64 with a standard deviation of $1.25.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
There once was a person named Ned,
Who had nary a hair on his head.
He pated his pate
and bemoaned his fate,
And went to hide under his bed.
I know hundreds of Pi digits, but what I really want to know is the 7 digits of your phone number.
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
What do computers eat for a snack?
Microchips!
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
There was an Old Man of the Dee,
Who was sadly annoyed by a flea;
When he said, 'I will scratch it,'
They gave him a hatchet,
Which grieved that Old Man of the Dee.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
What do you call a cold crocodile in winter? A refrigerator.
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
Can I help you carry your groceries to the car?
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
Go to BabaMail
