A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
Are you tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day.
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
You make my heart skip a beet.
“I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”
- James, ‘Look Who’s Talking.’
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.
My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
You must be copper because I could really CU ending up with me.
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Can!
Can who?
Can I worm my way in to your house!
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road?
Poultry in motion.
Erase erratic bat from your vocabulary because I am as functional as they come.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
“Monday is almost Tuesday, which is not so far from Wednesday which is neighboring Thursday, and Friday. Enjoy your day!”
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
What language do they speak in Italy
Times New Roman.
What do llamas always reply when you thank them?
No probllama.
Clean clams crammed in clean cans.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
Death Causes Loneliness, Feeling Of Isolation
"For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end." — Catherine Zeta-Jones
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
The great Greek grape growers grow great Greek grapes.
I want to stretch with you.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What did the doctor say to the other doctor? We’re both doctors!
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
"The first thing you learn in life is you’re a fool. The last thing you learn in life is you’re the same fool."
Anonymous
There was an Old Man in a boat,
Who said, 'I'm afloat, I'm afloat!'
When they said, 'No! you ain't!'
He was ready to faint,
That unhappy Old Man in a boat.
Hey boy, I like your Irwin inspired outfit.
Why an astronaut can be said similar to a football player? They both strive for touchdowns!
Why shouldn't you mess with Santa? Because he has a black belt.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
“The downside of playing dumb is that you sound dumb.”
- Rachel Maddow
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
What did one leaf say to the other leaf?
I’ve fallen for you.
You are the object of my preposition.
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