An American is typing on a computer when he flies into a rage, shouting "How the hell am I misspelling color"?
A Canadian takes a quick look at the screen before rolling his eyes and walking away, saying "that sounds like a u problem".
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
I've done it -- I've done mown the lawn,
But my muscles are aching and torn.
I could swear there are some,
In my legs and my bum,
I've not used since the year I was born.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
I’d check your blood sugar, but you’re sweet enough.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
Your hold on my heart is perennial, I’ll keep coming back always.
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Why did the little birdie go to the hospital?
To get tweetment.
"Stupidity is a talent for misconception."
- Edgar Allan Poe
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
“Enjoy every second of Sunday, for when you least expect Monday comes to haunt you.”
Why did the artist get into a heated argument with the gallery curator? He just wasn't in the right frame of mind.
A woman gets into an accident while driving. She tries to explain to the officer that it wasn’t her fault. She says the other guy was drinking and on his phone! The officer looks at the lady and says, "Mam, he could do that in his own backyard.”
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Do you like yoga? Because I could downward dog you all night.
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
Hold on for deer life.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Why did you act like that at Thanksgiving dinner? I yam what I yam.
Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?
The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Five fuzzy French frogs Frolicked through the fields in France.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
When a young adult goes to take a leak, does that mean they're a peenager?
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a gun,
Get in the van.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
Excuse me, is your name Grace?
Because you're amazing!
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
You wanna score or just knock around some soccer balls?
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
One should never mix oranges in apple juice. Well, perhaps you may do it once in a blue moon.
How do you Charlemange-age to get through the last few days before vacation?
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
Go to BabaMail
