What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!

Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?
Because they work below C-Level!

Roses are red

Violets are blue

You made my life a mess

Please call a clean-up crew

I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.

What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.

Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.

Why did the Communist wait till the last minute to cross the road?
He was Stalin.

Juvenile Court Tries Shooting Defendant

What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.

I would tell a time travel joke,
but you didn't like it.

I have no idea how to raise chickens.
I think I’ll just wing it.

Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!

I’ve been selected to hide eggs in my town’s big Easter festival next year!
This is an eggs-hiding opportunity!

“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith

What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.

Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.

What should someone do if they are stuck between a jaguar and a tiger? Simple, just take the Jaguar and drive away from the tiger.

How do you cut an ocean in half?
With a seasaw!

Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.

Waddaya get when you cross a cowboy with an Egyptian Pharaoh?
Darn Tutankhamun!

Nothing runs a pun like bad spelling, accept poor grammar's.

“Me to my students every day: Close your eyes. If you can still see me, it could be a sign that your eyes are still open.” – Unknown

My next door neighbor is a witch,
And she lives way down in a ditch.
Her clothing is a little strange,
Because she never wants to change.
She has a black robe and a black hat,
Green skin and a smelly black cat.
A big fat wart grows on her nose,
And seventeen pimples on her toes.

But...her food is EVEN worse,
Because she eats it course by course.
Her first course is seven dead bats,
Laid on top of seven rats.
Then she has twenty flies
With lots and lots of llama eyes.
Her main course is a horrible soup,
Because it's made with doggie poop.
But worst of all is her dessert.
It's little children rolled in dirt.

Last night she had a witch's feast
And turned into a greedy beast.
I think she cooked my best friend Tilly
And ate her with some peas and broccoli.

- by Samiya Vallee

Thanksgiving sucks where it is now. It’s too close to Christmas. We don’t need back-to-back holidays where we go home and sleep on a twin bed after mainlining gravy.” — Seth Meyers

Excuse me, can you empty your pockets? I believe you have stolen my heart.

Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.

Autumn is full of pumpkins, it is a gourd-geous time of the year.

A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.

Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?
It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect.

My personal trainer said I have to come over and talk to you for five minutes as part of my routine.

Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.

Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.

Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!

Blue and green stopped fighting because they had agreed on peace teal.

Jerry was in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
“I’m OK but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered.
“What did he say?,” asked the nurse.
“OOPS!”

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.

Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to ketchup!

What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.

What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.

What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw!

I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.

Why do old artists never die? They just put things in perspective.

Babe, you are the only brand I desire and I want no substitution.

I’m o-fish-ally in love with you.

The sweater I bought recently kept picking up static-electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one, free of charge.

"When I tell my kids I'll do something in a minute, what I'm really saying is "Please forget." - @SarcasticMommy4

If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.

Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!

"I treated this relationship like my diet, one cheat day a week."