Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
I just got some mistletoe, how about we go back to my place and try it out?
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
You are just like my car because you drive me crazy.
“I’ve drank multiple cups of coffee, and Monday isn’t looking any better. Hey – give me a beer. Let’s see if that helps.”
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Are you a cat? Because you look purrrfect!
There once was a lad from West Philly
Who played basketball and got silly
He fought with some brothers
Which worried his mother
Now he's know as Bel Air's Fresh Prince, Willy
Here in Australia it's already tomorrow, wanna know what we did last night?
Beach you to it.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Spain!
Spain who?
Spain to have to keep knocking on this door!
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
“If any of you cry at my funeral I’ll never speak to you again.”
Stan Laurel
How about you and I form a binary system?
If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would P on U.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
“Feliz navi-dog!”
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
Last night the river was arrested. The river was accused of illegal streaming.
What does a Triceratops sit on? Its Tricera-bottom.
What do you call a turkey after Thanksgiving?
Lucky.
Wow, we really matched? I guess we’re simply Seb-posed to be
“Remember: don’t eat the yellow snow.”
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
I was supposed to solve for X. I am so glad that I found U instead.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
“If each day is a “gift,” I’d like to know where I can return the Monday.”
Can I take your temperature? You're looking hot today.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
You're spicier than Sriracha.
How do werewolves stop a video?
They press the paws button.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Which cool rapper recreates at Aspen Snomass?
Ice Ski.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”
- Leo Burke.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
Last winter was so cold, I couldn’t stop telling my wife how much I glove her.
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