Is it a sin that you stole my heart?
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
Whats the first day of the week called in outer space?
Moonday.
"Snowball"
I made myself a snowball
As perfect as could be.
I thought I’d keep it as a pet
And let it sleep with me.
I made it some pajamas
And a pillow for its head.
Then last night it ran away,
But first, it wet the bed.
– Shel Silverstein
All punts are highly intended
How can you tell if there is a dinosaur in bed with you? By the `D' on his pajamas.
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
You leave me Wonton more.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
What do you call a handsome seal?
Mr. Seal Yo Girl.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
“Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.”
Benjamin Franklin
“I only go to yoga to drink wine, so I’m good. I just throw the calories right back in.” – Kaley Cuoco
What does the sun drink out of?
Sunglasses!
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Q. Which square dancing step do stags enjoy most?
A. The Doe-si-Does.
Are you from Sheffield? Because you’re steeling my heart.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
Date me and all of your problems will be polygone.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
Why didnt the moon have any more to eat.
Becuase it was full
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Because he was playing with a cheetah.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
It's ok to be negative if you find yourself in a thunderstorm.
You probably won't get struck by lightning.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
The skeleton would love to see the latest horror flick, but he just doesn't have the guts for it.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Two knee.
Two knee who?
Two-knee fish!
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
I hate spring cleaning.
Darn things bounce all over the place.
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.” - Lily Tomlin
What did the painter say to the wall? Another crack like that and I'll have to plaster you!
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese!
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
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