Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
Are you the end of the pool? Because baby, I’d do anything to reach you.
Why did the sheep cross the road?
To get to the baa-baa shop for a haircut.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Without you, my life is as empty as the supermarket shelf.
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
Girl you are looking so Jose-fine in those photos
What do a mommy bee and a daddy bee make when they have alone time?
A babe-bee.
"The pursuit of happiness" means it's cool to hit on you, right?
This birthday wish may be late,
And it may be over in a flash,
But its message is good anytime,
Because it comes with lots of cash.
How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
Company coming?
And your house is a big mess?
Just put on lipstick.
"The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden."
- Ray D. Everson
The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order.
I said, "alphabetically or by age?"
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
Are we going to do some gravity experiments? Okay, let’s test how fast I would free fall for you.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
You are like my asthma.
You just take my breath away.
Take a pitcher. It'll last longer.
Because of my rights related to eminent domain, you have to compensate me for stealing my heart.
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.
You’re what I’m most thankful for this year.
Did you know they tested the Mars rover against animal attacks?
They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
It’s so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with potholders.
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
How about we get down to monkey business?
You are so cute, you’ve Lily got me hooked
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
Go to BabaMail
