Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
What runs but doesn't get anywhere? A refrigerator.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
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