How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
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