Can February March? No. But April May.
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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