What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
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