Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
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