What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
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