What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
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