Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Nobody new why.
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!