Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Nobody new why.
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
Can February March? No. But April May.
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!