Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
Can February March? No. But April May.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
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