Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? a Vel-Crow.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something!
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
Go to BabaMail
