What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
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