What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
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