What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Nobody new why.
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
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