What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
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