Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
Can February march?
No, but April may.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
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