What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
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