What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
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