Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
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