What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
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