How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
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