What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? a Vel-Crow.
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.