Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
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