I am a mean green machine.
I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "what kills the Corona Virus?"
She replied to me "Ammonia Cleaner"
I said "Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here."
I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
I could tell you a COVID joke...
But it would take two weeks for you to get it.
They found a plant that cures COVID-19!
It’s called plant yourself on the couch.
I’m throwing a COVID-19 party this weekend.
None of you are invited.
Is that a bat in your pocket, or does my costume excite you?
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.
I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.
My real costume is at home in a box under my bed.
Why is there no COVID cases in Antarctica
Because it’s so ice-o-lated
Who is running the corona virus relief?
WHO??
With Corona Virus spreading, I never thought our deaths will also be..
“Made in China”
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
Hey Baby, wanna find out why they call me Pumpkin-Head?
That mask is becoming on you. If it were me, I’d be coming too.
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Corona Beer sales falter amid Corona virus crisis...
Guess their viral marketing strategy failed.
Corona crisis reaches new level:
Iran out of toilet paper.
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus
I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
Coughy.
Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?
I’m no vampire but I’m fine with getting no sleep and biting your neck all night.
Please stop with all the corona jokes.
I‘m sick of it.
If Corona virus is just a beer virus..
Then it’s just a yeast infection!
Corona virus is just like pasta.
The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.
Which Pokémon has Covid?
Pik-achoo.
Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing but this is as close as I could get.
Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.
While it’s taking a while for the Corona virus to reach other countries, China got it right off the bat.
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Corona please, hold the virus."
Call me a pirate and give me that booty.
I may be dressed as a vampire tonihgt, but if you play your cards right you might be the one sucking
I was going to make a joke about losing your senses due to COVID.
But I decided it was poor taste.
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible."
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago."
What movie perfectly describes the corona virus?
No country for old men.
Tom Hanks just got the Corona virus.
They had to lock the whole Cast Away.
Turns out my dad who’s a locksmith still has to go to work during lockdown.
He’s a key worker, you see.
What do Saturday and Sunday have in common with the corona virus?
The weakend.
The government announced that because of COVID, we can have gatherings of up to 5 people without issues.
Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without issues?
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.
It was a shot in the dark, but I took it.