My daughter told me COVID stinks and she misses her teacher...
I told her "I Ms. your teacher too."
I really hope corona virus can't spread through s*x
It would be so lonely being the last man on Earth.
Even after a decade or two, I think we will all remember this year forever.
I mean, hindsight is 2020.
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease?
They were afraid not everyone could get it.
Definition of Irony - When the Year Of The Rat starts with a plague.
Why don’t we go somewhere where I can stick a candle in your jack-o-lantern?
John Travolta has been diagnosed with the Corona Virus.
He had chills that were multiplying.
Girl, you make my crotch rise from the dead
I may be dressed as a vampire tonihgt, but if you play your cards right you might be the one sucking
Hey, Baby do you want to see what tricks my treat could do?
Corona Beer sales falter amid Corona virus crisis...
Guess their viral marketing strategy failed.
I would totally carve your pumpkin.
I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "what kills the Corona Virus?"
She replied to me "Ammonia Cleaner"
I said "Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here."
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus?
Because you’re taking my breath away.
There’s no trick in these pants.
What did the Indian boy say to his parent before going into self isolation?
Mumbai.
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
As the local drunk, I'm quite worried about the corona virus.
It's got potential tequila lot of people.
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
Nice pumpkins!
I am a mean green machine.
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible."
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago."
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
Coughy.
I’m no vampire but I’m fine with getting no sleep and biting your neck all night.
Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
Due to covid most exotic dancers have been furloughed.
Basically, they’ve been stripped of their source of income.
I'm tired of this old broom. Got anything else I can ride?
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received in the last 10 years.
Since i have COVID people tell me i enjoy bad music and movies
Guess i have become tasteless.
Why are people buying so much toilet paper because of the corona virus?
Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves.
Me: I'll have a Corona please.
Waiter: *Cough*
Me: Thank you.
I’m throwing a COVID-19 party this weekend.
None of you are invited.
What's the difference between butter and the corona virus?
Corona actually spreads.
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.
She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.
she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.
she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.
Best thing that has ever happened to me.
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
People with 20-20 vision..
Why you didn't warn us before??
Hey Baby, wanna find out why they call me Pumpkin-Head?
I've taken up online yoga since the COVID-19 outbreak started.
It helps me namaste at home.
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
They found a plant that cures COVID-19!
It’s called plant yourself on the couch.
Corona virus is just like pasta.
The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?
What quarantine really taught me?
That you don't really need fun to have alcohol.
Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.
I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.
I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.