100 Tasty and Funny Wine Puns!

Welcome to our Wine Pun collection!

Grab a glass and no whine nor grape, because just like fine wine, these puns will make their way in and make you tilt your head...

Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
"Will you accept this rosé?"
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
"Be kind, re-wine."
"Sip happens."
"Love the wine you're with."
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
"Time to wine down."
"Read between the wines."
"On cloud wine."
"Adulting makes me wine."
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
"I make pour decisions."
"You're the wine that I want."
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
You’re wine in a million.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
"Here for the right riesling."
"You can't sip with us."
"Sip, sip hooray."
"Partners in wine."
"I mead more wine."
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
"Rosé all day."
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
"Say you'll be wine."
"You had me at merlot."
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
"No wine left behind."
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
"It's wine o'clock."
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
"Stop and smell the rosé."
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
"Back that glass up."
"Alcohol you later."
"Great minds drink alike."
"I need to re-wine my life."
Why do women take baths to relax?
Because it's too hard to drink wine in the shower.