In every romantic relationship, the expectation is usually the same – we expect to give and receive love, care, and support. The problem is that sometimes, unintentionally, partners tend to perform emotional manipulations on the other side of the relationship, often due to moments of heightened sensitivity or as part of a defense mechanism that brings us back to problems we experienced in the past and the ways we dealt with them. When one of the partners in a relationship gets easily hurt when told about their flaws, they may refuse to accept these comments. To help them open up to criticism and improve their attitude toward us, it is highly recommended to know the 8 emotional manipulations that are sometimes performed due to excessive sensitivity and the recommended ways to neutralize the situation.
1. A partner who deflects blame back to you
If you give feedback to your partner and they in turn deflect the blame back to you, they are likely doing so out of feelings of guilt and anger. Therefore, it is highly recommended that you remain calm and not give in to that urge. Calmly and pleasantly remind your partner that they are mature adults who are supposed to be responsible for their own behavior, and that the things you are pointing out to them are also things you avoid doing yourself for their sake. Your intention was not to insult, but only to provide constructive criticism.
2. A partner who feels like the victim
Children quickly learn that when they cry they get attention, but not always what they want. However, when a child grows up and gets everything they want as a result of dramatic crying, they learn that even as an adult they can get their desires met by giving in to their emotions. Your partner may play the victim unjustly when they try to avoid responsibility. Therefore, you should calmly remind them what you expect from them instead of giving in to all their whims. Be careful not to confuse an attempt to play the victim with genuine emotional disclosure that requires support, in which the partner will usually cooperate and not feel that you are against them or that they need to take an opposing position to yours.
3. A stressed partner who pressures you
When someone asks you a question and expects a certain answer, they will often pressure you to respond without giving you time to think. Psychologist Preston Nee, who wrote books on effective communication between people, recommends not making a decision in such a situation, but asking for time to think about the request or question. If your partner continues to urge you to answer, keep telling them that you will think about it later and that you promise to get back to them with an answer, or set a time frame in which you will make sure to provide them with an answer.
4. A partner who tends to give in to anger during an argument or discussion
When people have a discussion or argument and run out of arguments, they tend to raise their voice to sound smarter or more right. Sometimes such a situation leads to saying words in anger and shouting, and when that happens, it is highly recommended that you calmly emphasize to them how illogical their words are. It is very important to do this calmly so as not to intensify your partner's anger, and try to bring them back to the relevant topic of the conversation you are discussing. If your partner continues to get angry and refuses to listen, it is recommended that you end the conversation and return to it at another stage, when they are calmer.
5. A partner who does not acknowledge problems that are not their own
There are two types of people who find it difficult to acknowledge problems that are not their own; the first type is people who find it difficult to develop empathy and identify with the person speaking to them, and therefore find it hard to understand the level of impact that another person's problems have on their life; the second type is people who tend to connect the problems they hear to problems they experience or have experienced in the past, and therefore shift the conversation to talking about their own problems. Unfortunately, there are not many effective ways to deal with this situation, apart from openly sharing your feelings about the issue. If your partner is indeed open to understanding you, they will try to make an effort to listen to your problems as well and support you. Unfortunately, this is not always the case, and sometimes you will need to find someone else who can support you the way you need.
6. A partner who threatens to harm themselves
In most cases, threats regarding suicide or self-harm are attempts at emotional blackmail. It is very difficult to ignore such threats because there is always the fear that your partner might actually hurt themselves, but it is important to remind yourself and them that you are not responsible for their physical well-being, but rather they are. Remember that in most cases it is only a threat, but if the situation is serious and the threat might actually be carried out, professional intervention from a mental health expert may be required.
7. A partner who distorts facts
If your partner "forgets" that they said something in the past or doesn't remember that you ever asked them for something that you are now mentioning, they may be pretending, but at the same time their memory might truly be foggy. Of course, in such a situation you might start doubting your own memory as well, but if you are sure of your words, stand behind them and don't give up. Insist that you remember the incident in detail and even bring up additional related memories to help your partner refresh their memory, or at least to understand that they do not remember that incident the same way you do. Here too, as in the other tips, it is highly recommended to do this calmly and not give in to the anger that might bubble up inside you.
8. A partner who plays dumb
Pretending not to understand something that was said is a trick children use when they don't want to do what is asked of them, and some people continue to use this trick even in adulthood without noticing because they are used to it. There are many ways to deal with this when it comes to children, but when it is done by an adult, a slightly different approach is needed. First, try to make your request or explain yourself in a different way and with different words. Second, you can try to do the same yourself and explain that you don't understand what isn't understood, and then slowly repeat what you said, of course in a calm and positive manner.
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