I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
The only way bees can fly right through the rain is when they have their yellow jackets on.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
My glasses may be fogged up, but don’t worry I’ll be fine.
I’m optimistic!
Q; What’s the difference between origami and grandpa passing wind?
A: One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
Q: What do you call a windmill swallowed up by a tornado?
A: A wind meal
Had a great weekend. Won the annual weather forecaster's championships!
I beat the raining champion.
Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is forecast?
It’s the clam before the storm.
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
What did the baby cloud say to its mum when it rained? Sorry, mum, I couldn't hold it any longer.
Q: What did the tornado say to the sportscar?
A: I’m taking you for a quick spin!
When can your cup of coffee tell the weather?
When it's muggy.
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
What's a king's favorite kind of precipitation?
Hail!
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
Rain doesn’t fall. Raindrops.
You can’t predict wind speeds with certainty. The best you can do is make a gust-imate.
Our weather bureau is actually an umbrella organization.
A man once said when is Monday coming? His wife said Mon-soon.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
Local weather reports state there won't be any rain for 1 year, but I drought it.
Why was fog kicked off the football team? He mist a field goal.
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
Why do people like storm watching so much?
The lightning is quite striking!
A good friend of mine fell into a vaporiser and died.
She is sadly mist.
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain.
One fish said, “Quick, let’s swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!”
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
Who does their best work when they're under the weather?
Meteorologists.
There was news of a snowstorm. It arrived white on time.
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
Why are people in big cities in Spain always dry?
Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
I hate windy weather. It really blows.
Thunderstorms are shrewd investors. They put their money in a combination of frozen and liquid assets.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
What do books wear on a wet and rainy day? Rain quotes.
Q: Why did the wind turbine blush?
A. It broke wind.
This very fair weather actually makes me feel like a feather!
Why do cows lie on each other in the rain?
To keep each udder dry.
When it rains chickens and ducks, the best description for the weather is foul weather.
When moving a piece of furniture at the weather station, you'll be needing four casters.
It was so hot that the bee's perm had become extremely unmanageable, so she turned into a frizzbee.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
I'm saving for a rainy day, so far I've collected a couple of raincoats, an anorak, and a dinghy.