My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.